Why You Should Not “Fake It Until You Make It”
As the saying goes, “fake it until you make it”, encourages mustering through hard times while putting on a facade that things are better than they seem. As an Officer, it is easy to stand behind the mindset of not letting people around you know that you are struggling, either professionally or personally. No one wants to look incompetent, stressed out, overwhelmed, or lacking in any capacity in their work environment (or elsewhere). It’s something we’ve worked so hard to accomplish and become, so nothing should knock us off our game once we make it, right? False! Sometimes the going DOES get tough... Sometimes you will feel exhausted and need a break to settle back into yourself. Life continues to “life” and the rank on our chest does not mean we experience it any differently than everyone around us. There will come a point in time in your career that you will need more support and assistance than you may feel comfortable or used to asking for.
I heavily stress that maintaining your authenticity, while serving, is imperative in the long run to maintain a true sense of self and belonging no matter where you PCS. Adaptability is a strength and a sense of purpose can only be determined within! If one continuously perpetuates the “fake it until you make it” culture, you may lose yourself in the midst of cutting corners, taking the easy route, suppressing your feelings, and not being genuine in both acknowledging and developing your shortcomings (because newsflash, we ALL have them). Directly out of Advanced Camp, ROTC, BOLC, CCC etc., we do not know everything. I encourage you to embrace the newness of experiences as they come and try to give yourself grace in navigating through stressful times. And when the going gets a little too tough, here are some ways to address the different stressors in life.
Financial stressors - Whether it be a PCS, civilian spousal employment, food insecurity, or simply just the newness of living individually following ROTC, the Army has many ways to aid in these situations.
A PCS is potentially the most stressful financial situation you may find yourself in. Be prepared and have a plan! I know it’s easy to say “have an emergency savings” but really, try to have a bit of money put away, or available via credit, to navigate a PCS. Take advantage of advancements if you need one, as well as dislocation allowance (DLA).
Civilian spousal employment is likely hard to find and maintain long term. Plan with your family and acknowledge their sense of purpose, and potentially their loss, in moving every few years with you.
Food insecurity is an issue that one in eight military families face with Asian, Black, and multiracial families about 50% more likely to use food pantries. There are many local food pantries near all Army installations.
BLUF: When you find yourself stressed regarding finances, do not “fake it until you make it”. Doing so could lead you down a road directly into debt which likely heightens stress. Use the resources available to you via the Army or externally, and use them well-informed and intelligently. There are plenty of financial literacy classes, books, or people who may have experienced something they know how to assist you with or point you in the right direction.
Occupational stressors - Everyone has peers or leaders they may not want to befriend outside of work, and that’s okay. And sometimes, people may feel that way about you! Reality is not one-sided. Stress at work could look like having too much on your plate, inability to delegate tasks (or know when to), missing deadlines, not feeling like you have support, or simply not enjoying the position you’re in.
Use a planner! Find what works for you. Are you a pen to paper person? Google Calendar? Outlook? Find your way to manage scheduling so you don’t get overwhelmed or miss deadlines and stick with it. Get tech savvy and use formats if that's more your vibe.
Delegate. If you need help with something and can entrust your peers and soldiers to help you accomplish the task at hand, ASK/TASK! You do not need to do everything alone, and it doesn’t make you a better soldier or leader for doing so. Taking on too much is the easiest way to get completely overwhelmed and behind on work.
If you need an extension or more guidance on something, ask. Say something! It is better to try to help yourself than to show up with nothing. It says more about your ability to communicate if you express needing help sooner than later in the game and your leaders and peers will thank you for it.
BLUF: Work stress is absolutely inevitable. Every single adult in America could probably identify one thing at work that stresses them out, so don’t think just because you’re in the Army that doesn’t include you. The Army may be your first experience in employment, and you may feel an extreme amount of pressure to perform well. While that’s an expectation, there are healthy ways to navigate that pressure by asking for help, delegating, and staying organized.
Interpersonal relationship stressors - Everyone, and I mean everyone, desires a sense of belonging. It is the one area where “faking it until you make it” can have you operating from a completely superficial lens and could hinder your ability to foster genuine connections both professionally and personally.
Maintain a support system no matter where you go. Try to find a group of friends, even outside of your section/platoon, to maintain normalcy outside of work. Having a support system to turn to when you simply just need an unbiased ear to vent to or have lunch with is crucial. These could be people from back home that you catch up with bi-annually, your family, or ROTC buddies, and people you form friendships with along your career. Your support system is going to be the thing to pick you up when you’re down and provide that motivation and support when things feel heavy.
Use your leave. You are not going to be a better soldier or leader by never taking time off. Enjoy the fruits of your labor in using those 30 days as you see fit! Staycation nearby where you’re stationed or vacation in Jamaica or Thailand, or wherever your heart desires. I personally schedule quarterly leave for myself to use in an effort to fight against burnout. Making it a routine can easily help you keep the energy in your tank to maintain presence and ability at work.
Continue engaging in things you enjoy outside of work! Volunteer, mentor, or have and try new hobbies. Doing these things keeps you connected in community engagement and is an easy way to find people who enjoy the same things as you outside of work.
BLUF: Being an Officer can sometimes be one of the most isolating things you’ll experience, let alone if you are a minority or female. You may be the only person that looks like you in your workplace or you may simply have social anxiety or low trust in making new friends. Maintain your hobbies, find/make the space and time to engage in relationships that are important to you, and know that you have additional resources like MFLCs or behavioral health clinics at your base if you find yourself needing something more.
Sometimes the easy way through your career is to embody a persona that is shiny and strong on the outside, but the reality is it could bring more struggle than it brings peace. It erodes authenticity, delays legitimate growth, reinforces imposter syndrome, and doesn’t foster connection. Living authentically employs you the ability to remain genuine and true no matter what room you walk into. Letting people know and see YOU allows them to connect both professionally and personally. There is a high sense of vulnerability in what I am suggesting, I know. But trust me, your soldiers and peers will see through that “fake it until you make it” smile eventually, and you’ll be better internally and externally via your leadership to understand why this mantra has the ability to do more harm than good. Don’t lose who you are through your service, because your uniqueness brings more to the Army than you trying to blend in “faking it until you make it”. We all face different struggles throughout our careers, and there are too many resources and people around us to tell ourselves we must do it alone.
